Future Bard

Ja!

It's offical. I am no longer a fan of rap/hip hop. Like Saul Williams, I kept waiting for someone to perform an excorcism and "remove the evil spirits from this body."

I waited patiently. Outkast gave me hope. Common breathed a little life back into my love. Then the new Black Eyed Peas song "My Humps" bumrushed the charts.

Flatline.

This song is the worst song ever. EVER. It will never be beaten. EVER! It's a Vh1 special waiting to happen.

Look at the lyrics. Here's a sample:

[Will.i.am]

Whatcha gonna do with all that junkall that junk inside your trunk

[Fergie]
I'ma get get get get you drunk
get you love drunk off my hump
my hump my hump my hump my hump my hump
my hump my hump my hump my lovely lady lumps

The verses are even worse. Yet, this song moves up the charts and, somehow, ROLLING STONE gave their album *** and selected this song as one of its highlights! Needless to say, my subscription is canceled. I'll read the political articles online, but I cannot support this.

Why am I so MAD? Where do I start?

Rap used to be about writing. You had lyricists like Rakim, Chuck D, Q-Tip, Slick Rick, etc. actually being creative wordsmiths. They had values to share.

Sure there was a large share of crap, some that even approached My Humps level. (Okay, maybe not.) But there was a BALANCE! You would hear political rap, comedy rap, gangsta rap, and stupid rap, all on the same channel.

Now? We get endless derivatives of "I'm a pimp", "My milkshake", and "Let the sweat drip from my balls."

I could chalk it up and move on. However, I taught in inner city Atlanta for two years. I had fifth graders (10 and 11 yr olds) that knew these songs by heart. They are at the impressionable age where your first form your love of music, film, and culture. And what do they get?

My Humps, my lovely lady lumps.

The betrayal grows deeper when you look at Black Eyed Peas career. They started out as A Tribe Called Quest aficianados. On their own records, they called out hip pop's materialism, gangsterism, and negativity. They even called Puffy and Mase out by NAME!

Now, their lyrics are dumbed down to pre-literate levels. Songs like "My Humps" deal with adult themes. But what adult, let alone an older teenager, would be caught dead listening to:

[Will.i.am]
I met a girl down at the disco
She said hey hey hey yeah lets go
I can be ya baby, you could be my honey
Lets spend time not money
And mix your milk with my cocoa puff
milky milky cocoa
mix your milk with my cocoa puff
Milky milky
Riiiiight...

The only audience for this is 8-13 year olds. I do not advocate censorship; the Black Eyed Peas have the right to make this song. But I do call out the major corporations that pump this crap out exclusively.

It seems like their target demographic for film, music, etc. is changing from 18-30 year olds to elementary and junior high kids. Of course, they are the ones with disposable income now. People my age (twenties) don't. Our entry-level jobs have disappeared or are on the way. Check out the book Bait and Switch for more details.